The Snake Pit
by Sulphurya
Summary: One shot. Angsty Hojo piece. Companion fic to my others, but easily ready by itself. A brief look at Hojo's past, when he was balancing on the edge of sanity and has to make his choice...


**The Snake Pit**

* * *

_AN: After my comp went insane and chewed up the ENTIRE next chapter of my current story, I had to start all over and the comp promptly replied by dying on me. It now rests in pieces. I 'am' working on the next chapter, but bring you this one-shot about everyone's favorite Hojo as an apology. A flashback to the days of when Sephiroth was a small boy and Hojo was balancing on the edge of sanity._

* * *

His head was spinning. Hurting. And the constant whispers felt like needles to his skin. 

It was always like this. On this day.

The one day of the year when no one, not even President ShinRa, dared to enter Hojo's laboratory.

The day Lucrecia had vanished.

Oh, Hojo knew she was dead. She'd been deteriorating badly the last months of the pregnancy, so he had no illusions about what had happened to her, but he'd never been allowed to see her a final time.

ShinRa had claimed innocence, yet Hojo also knew the scientific value of Lucrecia's body.

The thought alone sent his blood boiling.

A whisper of betrayal fluttered through his mind briefly.

The scientist sneered at his pale reflection in the window. The only person he hated more than the ones who had taken her from him. The person that had failed them both. Wasn't he supposed to be some kind of genius? Then why did things turn out the way they had?

Hojo swallowed down a wave of nausea and turned away from the blame in his mirrored eyes.

No man could un-do the past. Not even him.

He dismissed a ghost-like and comforting touch to his face by an invisible hand.

He didn't want to remember! It **hurt** so much, and yet...

His vision blurred slightly under the memory of Lucrecia screaming with pain, rage and insanity.

Valentine.

Slender fingers capable of inflicting endless pain curled into tight fists as Hojo fought against visions of blood, unnatural monsters and his own laughter.

Vincent Valentine.

Not anymore.

A flicker of comfort at that knowledge.

A knock on the door tore Hojo out of his past and golden brown eyes flickered with confusion.

"Hojo?"

* * *

Gast. Hojo straightened slightly and frowned at the sight of the man who'd been his inspiration once. And among those who usually made real sure to avoid Hojo on this day. 

It was clear he had to force himself to enter the laboratory and Gast failed to hide his discomfort under the eerie stare provided by the younger man. "I need to..." His voice failed and he had to clear his throat. "I need to talk to you."

Hojo's frown deepened. "I'm busy."

Nodding, Gast cast a quick glance at the second door in the room. "How is Sephiroth?"

Barely able to refrain from flinching, Hojo clenched his jaw hard. "What do you want, Gast?"

The silver haired boy was a constant reminder. An eternal source of pain. Some days Hojo hated that child so much he felt like he couldn't breathe.

Adopting his favorite look, guilty, Gast shifted uneasily. "It's about Ifalna..."

This time Hojo made no attempt to hide his reaction and sneered with contempt. Gast always had a thing for women and placing him in charge of research on the female Cetra was doomed from the start. Even a blind man could have seen the love-sick looks the man was sending her.

It was just disgusting.

A whisper of malice caressed his neck.

"Has she finally mutated into something interesting?" Hojo didn't have to fake the hopeful tone in his voice.

Gast forced a smile that looked more like a bad case of indigestion. "Always the joker." He then glanced at the exit, almost as if to see that he has a clear route to escape, before facing Hojo again. "I can't do it anymore, Hojo."

"Do what?"

"This!" Gast gesticulate faintly to the lab and it's instruments. "We set out to do great discoveries! Invent cures for diseases! Unlock nature's mysteries!" He shook his head. "Not to create weapons by playing gods."

A chill ran down Hojo's spine and it was suddenly hard to breathe. "You can't be serious..." After everything they'd done... Everything they'd sacrificed...

* * *

Gast's eyes begged for understanding. "Ifalna... She..." Once again he had to clear his throat. "I'm taking her away from here." 

Hojo felt dizzy and reached out a hand to support himself on a desk. This couldn't be happening...

"I'm not like you, Hojo," Gast declared weakly. "I cannot let Ifalna go through what Lucrecia did."

His gaze shot over to stare with disbelief at Gast and Hojo felt a drop of sweat trail down by his temple. "Not like... me?" A fierce feeling of vertigo attacked. "I let...?"

A memory of Lucrecia laughing.

Flickers of light flashed in front of his eyes. Brief shrill shrieks inside his skull.

Lucrecia placing a light finger to his lips, halting his objections and asking him to trust her.

Gast turned to leave and Hojo stepped forward before he knew it himself. "You can't leave!"

A tired glance over his shoulder was all the answer Gast gave.

He could and he would.

Shaking his head desperately, Hojo felt fear threatening to crush him completely. "I can't fight it alone!"

"Ifalna needs me." Gast wouldn't meet his eyes now.

Coward.

Pain shot through Hojo's head, but he tried to ignore it. "Gast!" He violently despised the clear plea in his voice. But without the older scientist to battle, Hojo would be the highest ranking scientist and without limits.

A shadow moved in the back of his mind, uncurling and reacting to the scent of an opportunity.

A second passed.

"Would you leave all this behind, Hojo?"

"No." Hojo didn't even have to think about the answer. Science was his life. And his only hope. If he gave up on that, he truly would have lost everything.

Finally Gast took another step towards the door.

"Walk out of this room and I swear I will hunt you down and kill you." Hojo's voice was lethally calm. A promise, not a threat.

* * *

Fury was so thick he could barely swallow and Hojo trembled faintly. 

Not looking back, Gast halted a second time, but his hesitation finally gave way and the door closed behind him as he left.

Breathing hard, Hojo stared at the door for several moments.

Rage. Fear. Disbelief. Crushing despair.

Screaming, he lashed out a hand and sent several vials crashing to the floor. Then Hojo moved over and flung a microscope at the wall, soon petri dishes were shattered, continuing his rampage until there was not a single thing left to destroy.

Only then did he halt to stand panting amidst his destruction.

Un-shed tears burned in his eyes.

The memory of listening to Lucrecia's sobs in the middle of the night came to his mind like an unbidden guest.

Turning away, like he was hoping to shy away from the memory, Hojo's eyes came to rest on the door to the boy's room.

He swallowed hard. Moved towards it like it was a dream. Like it wasn't his hand that reached out and unlocked it.

Pushing open the door, Hojo took a step into the room. It was more of a cell than a child's room. A few books. No toys. No windows.

And the boy asleep on his bed.

Heavily sedated as he tended to react rather violently to the new mako injections.

Hojo drew a shivering breath and was unable to keep the pain away. For one moment he allowed himself to feel. So many regrets and so much loss.

But was it really too late?

* * *

Stepping closer, he could see in the faint light shining in on the boy's face how much he looked like his mother. 

Lucrecia.

_I'm sorry... So sorry..._

Why couldn't Hojo just take the boy in his arms and walk out?

Walk away and never look back.

He could never undo the pain he'd inflicted upon the boy, but he could stop it from happening again.

Couldn't he?

Hojo reached out to brush away a silver lock of hair from the young face.

The shadow inside his soul tightened.

His outstretched hand became a fist and he quickly withdrew it.

No, he couldn't run.

It was too late for running.

Hojo had seen Lucrecia's fate and knew it would happen to him as well.

Running would not change that.

What about the boy?

He too was influenced by the shadows because Hojo had injected him with the same fluid that Lucrecia and himself had been.

Wouldn't it be easier if he didn't care?

A cooling whisper slid across his feverish brow.

No. Hojo clenched his jaw. He had to care. For Lucrecia.

For his... son?

* * *

Sephiroth. 

Clutching his head hard, Hojo bit back the agonised scream.

The memory of holding the small screaming bundle for the first time.

A small hand claiming his index finger.

Hojo stumbled away, out of the room, closing it and locking it securely.

Breathing hard, Hojo leaned against it and shut his eyes tight while trying to ignore the feeling of his soaked shirt collar against his neck.

Calming and soothing whispers slithered through his thoughts and Hojo was too tired to fight them.

Sinking down to sit against the door, Hojo flung his glasses away in a final weak attempt at rage.

Gast had abandoned him. Them.

Lucrecia had been too weak.

The boy hated him.

ShinRa exploited him.

Hojo managed a hoarse laugh. It was becoming pretty clear to him that the only one Hojo could trust was Hojo.

And Hojo... Hojo was a scientist.

Golden brown eyes closed and then opened again, focused with a dangerous calm.

And the planet trembled.


End file.
